Lonely through the holidays, or Love You – how to heal loneliness and self-rejection
Posted on December 14, 2018
Categorised as Anxiety / Emotional Intelligence / Empowered Self / Empowerment Radio / Fear and Anxiety / Love / Personal Breakthrough and Empowerment Tools / Positive Psychology
It is official, the holidays are right around the corner. Yet, for many this is not the happiest time of the year, but the loneliest. Do you struggle with loneliness and the pain of not having a special someone or a family to celebrate with? Does being alone make you feel nervous, anxious and self-conscious? It is a curious paradox that even though we are living more densely together, and, thanks to social media, are connected to more people than ever before, loneliness has become an epidemic in our society, which is often linked to anxiety and depression. However, is it merely the loneliness, or the lack of self-acceptance and self-love that causes anxiety and depression?
If you have been experiencing loneliness during the holidays, you can probably relate to what my special guest on this week’s Empowerment Radio, Dr. Dinorah Nieves (aka Dr. D), describes in her book, LOVE YOU (www.dinorahnieves.com):
“It typically happened around 2 am on nights when I cried myself to sleep, like this one. Anxiety reverberated throughout my body, and my mind filled with the echoes of my countless fears about being alone. Was I not good enough to be loved? Would I ever find someone to share my life? Was I too independent to be part of a relationship? What was wrong with me? What was wrong with this world? How would I survive so much loneliness? What was the purpose of all this emptiness?”
Dr. D, a behavioral scientist, personal development coach, was able to overcome her loneliness and limiting beliefs of not being lovable by committing to an inner journey of self-discovery, which is what her inspirational book “LOVE YOU 12 Ways to Be Who You Love + Love Who You Are” is all about.
What limits we place on ourselves, on one another, on God and the entire universe, when we choose to believe old stories in our head. How scary the world becomes, how scary we can become, if we choose to believe that we are anything other than fabulous! But the good news is it doesn’t have to be that way. There’s a part of you noticing those parts of you that need help. In there, under all that, is a you unscathed by the brainwashing; aware and enlightened. And its voice becoming louder in your head right now, is enough to show you that you aren’t destined to live in this confusion. Your true nature – your spirit – is ready to take over the wheel as you proceed on this journey. That’s what happened for me. I began to realize, as the desperation and anxiety sunk in, that I could never be happy in this “on again-off again” affair with loneliness to which the most masochistic parts of my ego had now become addicted. This tormented love story had become abusive. I had to find a way to come to terms with solitude so that I would no longer be afraid of loneliness or be swept away by it. I needed to be free of this feeling. I needed to make peace with being alone.
The years that followed that epiphany marked a time of transformation for my soul. I considered the “whys” of the choices that I made and challenged the motivations that I found. I survived days and nights of what I thought would be endless cries and used my survival to rebuild my confidence that I could survive. I learned to sit still in thought and worked to control those thoughts until the pain of my beliefs would fade into faith. I re-developed my faith, accepted myself as part of a larger energetic force and moved toward a sense of connectedness with all beings.
Every day I learned a little more about myself until I could embrace my strengths and my limitations from a true place of humility. Then I learned some more. I made a vow to truly live: to make every day count, to act on my vision, be of service, realize my purpose, and smile in heart. And in that space of very hard work and pain turned joyous, I learned to love being alone. Once I was ready, willing and capable of staring loneliness in its eyes, it seemed to just vanish. And the better I got at acknowledging the blessings around me and within me, the more I loved myself, and the more I enjoyed spending time with myself until time alone made me feel free. And then I began to search for that feeling in all my experiences and got rid of what did not fit. And soon, in my moments of being alone, my best friend was me. Being alone no longer felt lonely and being in pain no longer felt permanent. My soul had power. My thoughts were fleeting. My joy was constant and in solitude, I found peace.
Watch this episode of Dr. D and I, and learn practical tools and processes on how to turn loneliness and self-rejection into self-acceptance and self-love. You can also download the audio, and listen on your favorite player.
I want to take this opportunity to express my deep gratitude for your ongoing interest in my work, my writing and Empowerment Radio. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to support and serve you.
I wish you a peace, love, health and joy this holiday season and throughout 2019.