Why Anxiety Doesn’t Have to Scare You | GR126

It is easy to take our anxiety too personally by letting it become our reality or identity. Like a galactic black hole, anxiety can seem to swallow all our powers and aspirations, leaving us feeling small and helpless.

However, anxiety neither demands our power nor aims to shrink us into insignificance. The key to making peace with anxiety is to avoid getting caught in its emotional charge and to decipher the valuable information it has to convey.

What if you could embrace anxiety as a friend, an inner navigator, or at least part of you that you want to pay attention to and be curious about? Join me for today’s episode to find out how.

Dr Friedemann’s Key Takeaways:

Intro (00:00)

Anxiety Is The Number One Mental Health Issue (2:33)

Anxiety Is Has Become Somewhat Of A Friend To Me (6:17)

The Subconscious Mind Is Ultimately Responsible For (11:17)

Danger! Danger! (17:03)

Panic Attacks Are The Last Line Of Defense (21:08)

If Your Subconscious Can Be Convinced (24:39)

Stop Being Afraid Of Your Emotions (25:15)

Thank You Anxiety (29:25)

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Friedemann Schaub, MD, PhD, is the award-winning author of The Fear + Anxiety Solution. Dr. Schaub has helped thousands of people with his Personal Breakthrough and Empowerment program to overcome their fear and anxiety by addressing the deeper, subconscious root causes of these emotional challenges.

Transcript
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When you're anxious, what do you do? Usually, you're

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left with three options, right? You either fight your anxiety,

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get frustrated with it and angry and basically are in a constant

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battle with yourself, because you're not accepting to feel

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that week. Or you are running away from the anxiety, trying to

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distract yourself calling a friend turning on YouTube, and

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just not wanting to feel period. And the third option is that you

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just get in, because you feel that the emotion is too

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powerful, too overwhelming. And so all you can do is just have

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another day where that feeling takes over and keeps you

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trapped. Now, all of those three options are not really that

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great, right? Because it makes anxiety really some ways your

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enemy or your prison warden that just makes your life smaller and

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smaller and more and more of a battlefield than feeling happy

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and in contend like everyone else. Now one of the things

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about anxiety is that it makes you feel like there is something

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wrong with you right? And that you're the only one who's

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struggling because you're looking around and everyone

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seems to be happy. Instagrams are blowing up with just

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wonderful adventures and joyful faces, and then you feel like an

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outsider. Well, the truth is, anxiety is the number one mental

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health issue. And it's certainly something that millions and

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millions of people are struggling with. And the numbers

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that are real, are way higher than the numbers that are

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documented, because most people don't go to the doctor and ask

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for a prescription or to a counselor or coach to to get

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some help. Most people are slugging along trying to just

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somehow make it reducing the anxiety managing it. I had

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anxiety myself. And so it's really my kind of life, work my

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purpose to help people to overcome anxiety, but not in the

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way that anxiety is that what you have to struggle with for

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the rest of your life. But in a way that you're turning the idea

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of anxiety, upside down and seeing the emotion as an

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opportunity as something inside of you that just wants your

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attention. And once you give it the appropriate attention,

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everything going to turn around, you will actually see anxiety as

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a catalyst and maybe even as an inner Navigator, and no longer

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as this demon that can attack you at any time.

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Well, 10 years ago, my book about my personal breakthrough

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program on How To Overcome Anxiety, get published by sounds

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true. So it's anniversary time, the feared anxiety solution. And

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what I love about this book is that it has helped so many

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people to really shift their minds around anxiety, it has

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helped people to understand that anxiety is their responsibility,

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and not their burden to carry. And so today, I want to share a

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little bit about some of the things that are in the book,

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which will hopefully demystify and clarify the most common

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misconceptions around that emotion. See, as a physician, I

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always felt like that anxiety must have some kind of a have a

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reason to be around because it has been evolutionary preserved

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something that can be easily ignored. And it's something

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that's persistent. You know, when you have anxiety, it

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definitely is there to stay for a little bit until you figure

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out how to overcome it. And my anxiety was certainly you know,

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certain I think 25 years in the making started when I was very

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little and the pressures of having to perform well in school

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and the chaos at home with my parents not getting along with

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each other and all those things made my life emotionally

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challenging, and me more and more and easy. So I had

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sleepless nights before tests, I constantly scan around for

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things that can go wrong. I had obsessive compulsive symptoms,

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and I certainly have I also had panic attacks that just came out

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of the blue that made me feel overwhelmed by the emotion. Now,

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I wish someone would have told me how to see anxiety

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differently at the time when I had it. So it took a long time

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for me to change my perspective on this emotion. But what I find

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is that anxiety is has become somewhat of a friend to me,

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because without the anxiety, I wouldn't talk to you right now,

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I would have not have found my purpose, I would probably be

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still in a big cardiology department in in Germany. And

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mainly my own best patient was to heart attacks and pretty

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unhappy. So without the anxiety, I would have not waken up to

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that. What I really am supposed to do. So I'm very grateful that

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the anxiety was knocking at my door, and that now from what I

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people I worked with through the last 20 years that I can share

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with you. And hopefully at the end of this podcast, ease your

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mind around the emotion, see, when you're really convinced

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about something because you've seen so many, many, so many

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times how well something can work, just when we make a shift

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when we make a choice to to perceive something differently

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and take really empowering action steps when you see

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something like this over and over working. And then you still

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hear unfortunately, people talking about how they are stuck

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in the anxiety and there's nothing they can do. And all

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they can do is just to get up every day and fight with their

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emotion. It makes me so motivated. And so committed to

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get the message out over and over again, that anxiety is

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something that you can handle because it's your mind that

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created it. And so you can also use your mind and teach your

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mind how to uncreate it.

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Now one of the myth around anxiety is that anxiety is a

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sign of weakness and that there's something wrong with

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you. And that ultimately, it's a burden, as I said, that just is

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your identity. This is who you are, and this is who you will

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be. I'm an example of that not to be true. And it's certainly

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not a sign of weakness because see, when I looked at anxiety, I

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at some point realized, wow, what if anxiety is just like

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physical pain and physical pain, like my cardiology practice I,

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you know, when people came with chest pain, you didn't say,

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well, your pain is weakness, you're wondering, hey, the chest

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pain, this could be a variety of things, but maybe you have a

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heart attack? Well, anxiety is an emotional mental pain, that

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really tells you something about a deeper wounds, something

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underneath that needs to be addressed. And that cannot just

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be ignored. Because as you may have noticed, the longer you are

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fighting the anxiety or trying to run away from it, that is

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more intense, and the louder it becomes. So it's not working

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because it wants your attention. Now, what is that deeper wound?

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What are those root causes that the anxiety is trying to make

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you pay attention to? Well, that brings me to another

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misconception, which is that the anxiety is nonsensical, doesn't

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make any sense. It's probably just a mis wiring in your brain

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or maybe some chemical imbalances. And why it may be

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true, that there are chemical imbalances that can also, you

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know, be rectified with medication. The wounds

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underneath the anxiety doesn't go away with medication, it may

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make you feel more relaxed and more able to really listen to

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what the anxiety is trying to tell you to look underneath.

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When you take medications. I'm not against anti anxiety drugs,

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but it's not necessarily the solution. And I believe we have

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to really not just use a painkiller and ignore that the

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heart is aching or that the foot is breaking. But really see why

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is that pain? Why is that anxiety there in the first

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place. But the fact that it's nonsensical has to do with you

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know, the place where it comes from, because anxiety doesn't

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come from the logical conscious part of our mind. Yeah, it's

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true. It's shows up at the most inopportune moments, it shows up

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at times when it shouldn't. It shows up when you know we have

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nothing to worry about. So yeah, it's not something we can also,

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with rational thinking or logic, talk ourselves out of it, it

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comes from the other part of the mind, the bigger part of the

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mind, which is the subconscious. And that subconscious mind is

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ultimately responsible for emotions, for beliefs for our

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value systems, it holds all our memories, even the ones that

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we're not really consciously thinking about. And it also is

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responsible for those patterns that we continuously repeat,

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just like you know, driving, washing our hair, cutting

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onions, playing piano, things like that, we are not

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consciously doing those things. It's just something that the

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subconscious has been operating, or operating for us. And so we

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can, even while we do those things, think consciously about

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something else. Now, it's a very powerful part of the mind, the

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subconscious. And I have often talked about the subconscious on

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the podcast, but it's also a part that was there for us, and

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try to support us, way before our conscious mind was capable

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to even string a thought together. Even in the womb, our

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subconscious is already at work trying to figure out if it's

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safe, what's going on outside the boundaries of the mother's

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belly, and is really, ultimately drawing conclusions from what it

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takes in. Now, when you think about your subconscious, you

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have to see it as a part of your mind that especially at the

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early stages, when you're a little independent, dependent on

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others, to keep you safe to feed you to give your shelter to

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attend to do to you and not reject you or ostracize you.

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That is the part that tries to keep you safe. So your

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subconscious is one big task it is really dedicated to it is

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your protection, it's your inner bodyguard. When you grew up, you

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may have felt that certain things like in my case, were not

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totally stable, predictable, and potentially dangerous. Like, you

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know, my parents divorcing or me getting read the riot act for a

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bad grading school. All those things didn't feel safe. And so

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the subconscious said, Okay, what do we need to do in order

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for you to stay safe. And this is where my anxiety ultimately

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became this radar system. You know, it's like a metal

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detector, that you're walking around on the beach, the anxiety

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is going around looking for potential danger and then

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deductibility. It sees, oh, wow, here is someone I'd really happy

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with you or there is a test tomorrow. So you have to be

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worried and really on your toes, because who knows if you're

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going to have a good grade or not. So the anxiety is a warning

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system, just like the anxiety would warn you, you know, in the

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good old stone age's when there was a big beast in front of your

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cave, or it's warning you when you are, you know, let's say

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staying at a cliff and you're looking down and it tells you

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okay, go back, because you may slide. So the anxiety is

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certainly there to protect you. Now, what the anxiety then early

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on, has been doing is drawing conclusions. So it said, okay,

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in order, it's coming back to my case, in order to be safe, you

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have to really always study very hard, you have to have straight

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A's. And you have to please everyone. And in order to make

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sure that the home is held together and peaceful. You have

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to be the peacemaker, you have to make sure that you are

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mediating between everyone trying to be the golden child's

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who just immediately makes everybody laugh. And so all of

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those things were my anxiety pattern in order to keep my life

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stable and secure. And those patterns repeat themselves. T

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and this is something that you would say are the root causes.

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The root cause is that the anxiety are still you know

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reeling from are those traumatic events when my parents were

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fighting or where you may have been, you know, really rejected

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or criticized or in school bullied or made fun off or all

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of a sudden some of your friends turn that back on you, things

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that you look back on to and say, Wow, this was really, yeah,

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stressful heart difficult. So this is one root cause those

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significant emotional events that are in our subconscious

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Memory Box. And because they are not resolved, they still are

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used as reference point for the anxiety to warn us when anything

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similar may happen. So when you go out, for example, and meet

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new people, and you have in your memory box, this you know,

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rejection or embarrassment event still kind of blinking as okay,

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this is something to stay away from, while you find yourself in

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a social setting in the corner, maybe avoiding to get close to

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anyone or striking up a conversation because you don't

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want to once again be laughed at or you know, someone making fun

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of you. Or when you are someone who really needs to, please and

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peace make because that's, again, one of those events that

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in the past has been blinking as Danger Danger when people are

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not happy. And when they are, you know, having a conflict, you

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may never say what you think you may always somehow just you

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know, be quiet, pleasant little bit of a chameleon, because that

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idea of standing up for your beliefs, too dangerous, too much

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of you know, the reminder of what could happen, which again,

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happened when you were younger. So resolving those events,

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understanding them from a different perspective, learning

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from them growing from them, that is addressing one of the

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root causes of anxiety, it's very important. And the other

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two root causes that I work with are that, you know, a limiting

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belief system that we are carrying around, for example, we

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can only be safe, if we avoid danger, or we can only be

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lovable and safe, if we are all giving and never asked for

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anything. You know what the belief of not feeling good

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enough, the world is not a safe place. We can not trust anyone,

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all of those core beliefs are anchored in the experiences of

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the subconscious. And, and therefore they still are, you

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know, running your life. And you still act accordingly. Because

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most people never really updated their values or their belief

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system, they're basically still operating as if nothing had

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And then there is a third root cause, which is the

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fragmentation of the mind. And that is really a such an

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interesting part that you may have realized, you're struggling

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with all the time that the subconscious has two major

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purposes or tasks to keep us safe. And to make us happy. It's

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like the inner yin and yang, but they're not nicely creating a

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wholeness, they're actually really fighting each other

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because one wants to make everything somehow predictable,

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controllable and safe. So that's your anxiety site. And the other

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one says, No, let's get out and explore the world, take your

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race, meet new people take on challenges, and then you're just

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in a constant tug of war, you go one step forward, and then the

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anxiety holds you back. You're stuck in your anxiety, and then

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you get frustrated and look how everyone is passing you by. And

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then you want to go out again and do something. But again, the

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anxiety pulls harder, the more you're trying to get out of that

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comfort zone. So does that make sense? When you think about it,

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that there are deeper reasons why you have the anxiety, but

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you get so distracted by the intensity of the emotion, that

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you don't really look at those deeper reasons, you don't really

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pay attention to what could be underneath. Once you are

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resolving those deeper root causes, you can understand also

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that then the anxiety feels like hmm, maybe it's actually no

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longer true that this is a little boy or little girl who

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needs to be afraid maybe what is true is that the world is much

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safer, and that you are much more capable of going through

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life than the subconscious has thought and in the fear and

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anxiety solution and in my personal breakthrough program,

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those things are addressed and you will be able to resolve all

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of those. Now another misconception of anxiety is that

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anxiety is something that is ultimately more powerful than

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you. And I think a lot of people have felt that, right. I mean,

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you know, especially with panic attacks, you just feel like you

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can do nothing. And the problem is panic attacks is that they

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are like the last way, the last line of defense for the

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subconscious to get your attention. When you are having

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panic attacks, you probably had a lot of anxiety before, like a

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constant undercurrent of anxiety that you pretty much ignored.

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And then the anxiety, the panic attack just basically said,

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Okay, I have enough, it's like your subconscious having a

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little temper tantrum because you're just not paying

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attention. You know, the listening. A lot of people that

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have panic attacks have panic attacks, when they pushed

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themselves too far, you know, they, they have ignored their

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emotions, maybe they have done some self medication, or

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medicating or, again, nicely distracting themselves getting

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out of their comfort zone, making the opposite of what the

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anxiety wanted them to do. And all of a sudden, panic attacks,

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hold them in their tracks, literally brings them to their

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knees. This can be when you have been really, really working

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hard. And getting to higher and higher levels in your career.

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And all of a sudden, you get a panic attack, because you're

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almost at the top and your anxiety makes you look down and

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say, oh my god, what if this is all, you know, going away? What

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if you are found out as a fraud, or you are trying to be good,

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because that's what you were told to do. And all of a sudden,

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you you know, are in your late teens or in your 20s and you try

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out drinking drugs or doing things that you know deep inside

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a part of you is afraid of because it's making you out of

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control or it makes you different than you really are

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supposed to be in order to be acceptable. Again, you do this a

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few time the panic attack, say no note stop with us, we can't

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do this anymore, you are out of control.

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So the intensity has a lot to do with how much awareness you have

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on what the anxiety is trying to tell you. And also how much the

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anxiety trusts you. And this is a the final point that I want to

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make today that the anti died of anxiety is not the absence of

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anxiety. The antidote of anxiety is the trust that your

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subconscious has, in you the conscious person to no longer

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need the subconscious to take care of you. Or like me say it

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in a different way. If your inner protector is operating

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with the manual, the owner's manual from when you were like

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510 years old. It is of course doing things that don't really

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fit into your adult life anymore. But unless you the

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adult, are proving to your subconscious, that you are

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trustworthy, that you are someone who can make good

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decisions, who is able to deal with criticism or judgment who

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is not just going recklessly through life, who is able to be

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kind and generous to yourself and not just give your power and

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attention to everybody else. All those things that may in the

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past may have felt unsafe for your subconscious. If your

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subconscious can be convinced that you are the leader of your

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life, your anxiety will decrease dramatically. And for this to

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happen. You need to really consciously address your

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subconscious not with fear, not with anger, not with ignorance,

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but with curiosity, and compassion. So there are three

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phases that help you to overcome and ultimately outgrow your

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anxiety. The first phase is for you to stop being afraid of your

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emotions and really understand more now there is a message

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there is some pain inside of me there is something that needs me

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and I will pay attention to that. And often it really helps

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to listen to the anxiety to listen to the to the thoughts

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that are popping up and understand Wow, these are the

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same thoughts that I had a long time ago. These are thoughts

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that make me remember events that were hurtful and scary.

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These are thoughts that are pointing towards limiting

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beliefs of me not being good or me not being safe. And really

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addressing those thoughts as if you are talking to a child

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inside of you that is scared, that needs someone to hold on to

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that needs someone to wrap your arms around and say, Hey, I'm

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here, I get you, I understand why you're scared, because you

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must have felt alone in your quest to keep us safe.

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But you're no longer alone. That's phase number one, because

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then your anxiety becomes much more admission of care and love

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and compassion, then that inner struggle that you may have

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really felt was what anxiety was about for a long time. So you

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turn away from chasing the anxiety or fighting it towards

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embracing it and healing it That in itself already reduces the

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intensity because you do pay attention. The second phase is

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to address those deeper root causes. And I said, you know,

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you can do this with a book, you can do this with work with me

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individually, I have also video program. So really going,

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learning to work with a subconscious mind to heal those

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events that have been charged with anxiety and, and traumatic

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emotions, maybe hurt or sadness, or guilt or shame, to stop

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fighting yourself. And from fragmentation, create wholeness

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insights, and then also to change your limiting beliefs,

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replace them in much more empowering ways of seeing

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yourself in the world. That's number two. And the third phase

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is to really own that you are ultimately in charge of your

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mind, just as you're in charge of your body of your friends,

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family finances, you are in charge. And for that you are

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building more and more trust, trust in yourself, trust that

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you can make good decisions handle it. And so you want to

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really learn to feed back to your whether you're on the right

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track, give yourself a lot of positive affirmation, appreciate

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the contributions you make. Challenge yourself, but not in a

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way that pushes you too much so that you are again putting

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yourself into a sense of Oh, am and safe, but enough to

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continuously grow and build your confidence. And when you do all

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those three steps, the moment the anxiety comes up, you know,

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Oh, wow. It just tells me like a GPS, oh, I'm making here, step

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in the wrong direction. Maybe I have been thinking too much

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outside of myself and not paying enough attention to myself.

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Maybe I have lost my ways. And I'm not really on the good

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track. Maybe I'm just too exhausted. And I've gone to my

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reserve energies because I really felt the goals were more

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important than my well being and happiness. See, anxiety can

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really tell you just like pain, something is out of balance. And

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when you have the anxiety, you're not saying like, Oh, wow,

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here it is, again, nothing really works. You're saying

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thank you anxiety, because now I know I need to make an

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adjustment. And that is where the anxiety becomes your friend,

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a trusted friends. Just like you know you had a dog that really

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loves you. But also maybe growls when you're in danger when seven

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Trudeau would want to enter your anxiety growls a little bit when

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things are not quite the way they're supposed to be. And that

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is where the anxiety is not going away when you outgrow it,

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but it is coming to you inappropriate times and you're

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learning to respond to it. accordingly. It is creating a

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harmonious relationship with your conscious and subconscious

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mind with your head and your heart. And for me, the anxiety

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has shown me personally but also many, many of my clients who

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they really are. It was like before we were paying attention

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to our anxiety we were operating almost like you know

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unconsciously in ways that were imprints from others

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expectations from our peers or, or parents or family. And we

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didn't really know who are we what's what's our essence What's

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the truth, what is our purpose and through the anxiety. That

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was an ability all of a sudden to feel closer to yourself to

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understand yourself better and to ultimately also live with

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greater peace and harmony and for me personally and many

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others, to make a contribution in life that

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we really here to make. So don't be afraid of your anxiety,

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embrace it. Realize that the power of the emotion also tells

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you that there is something very powerful and caring inside of

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you that just wants you to find yourself to heal your past and

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to evolve into who you are meant to be.

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