Are You In An Abusive Relationship? | GR125

Have you ever wondered whether you are currently in an abusive relationship?

Maybe your family and friends told you that how you are treated is not ok. But no matter how much pain, disappointment or anxiety your partner causes you,  you haven’t found that clarity or strength to admit to yourself that it is time to either make a big change – or end the relationship.

Why is that?

If you or someone you know is in this situation please join me on this week’s release of Get Real where I talk about abusive relationships: how to know if you are in one and what you can do to find peace and happiness, whether that be with your partner or moving on alone.

Dr Friedemann’s Key Takeaways:

Intro (00:00)

Relationships Start Happy (3:04)

Disregard Of Boundaries (7:16)

Giving But Not Receiving (10:19)

Deprived Of Support System (13:01)

What Is The Way Out? (18:55)

Your Capable Of Committing (24:01)

I Need To Let Go (29:06)

Reach Out For Help (32:13)

Learn more at https://DrFriedemann.com

 

FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com//DrFriedemann

INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/dr.friedemannschaub

PINTEREST: https://www.pinterest.com/drfriedemann

TWITTER: https://www.twitter.com/DrFriedemannS

LINKEDIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drfriedemannschaub/

 

Friedemann Schaub, MD, PhD, is the award-winning author of The Fear + Anxiety Solution. Dr. Schaub has helped thousands of people with his Personal Breakthrough and Empowerment program to overcome their fear and anxiety by addressing the deeper, subconscious root causes of these emotional challenges.

Transcript
Unknown:

Today I want to talk about a topic that is very dear

Unknown:

to my heart, because I see at times clients struggle so much

Unknown:

with being in denial about it. And no matter how much I or

Unknown:

their friends and families are trying to convince him, hey,

Unknown:

something is not okay, you really should look at that. They

Unknown:

are just putting their blinders on headfirst saying no, you have

Unknown:

no idea what you're talking about, this is my life, I gotta

Unknown:

make my decisions. And unfortunately, they are digging

Unknown:

themselves more and more into a hole that often ends up in

Unknown:

complete depression, anxiety, low self esteem. And what I'm

Unknown:

talking about is the question that you may want to ask

Unknown:

yourself, and maybe you did, but you haven't really been willing

Unknown:

to go further or explore it, which is, are you in an abusive

Unknown:

relationship? And if so, are you in denial about it, because you

Unknown:

really don't want to address that issue. See, being an

Unknown:

abusive relationship, maybe a taboo, because it makes you feel

Unknown:

like you made a mistake, you may feel like, well, maybe I'm just

Unknown:

making it up. Or it makes you feel like a victim, and who

Unknown:

likes to be a victim, especially a victim of the person that

Unknown:

you're supposed to be in a loving, supportive connection

Unknown:

with. So there is a lot of confusion, an inner conflict

Unknown:

about even thinking that you are abused, that makes you rather

Unknown:

avoid it and go day to day trying to keep the peace trying

Unknown:

to somehow make it better, rather than really saying, Hey,

Unknown:

this is not okay. So today, I want to simply talk about what

Unknown:

are the signs that you may be in an abusive relationship? How do

Unknown:

you talk yourself constantly out of addressing the issue? And if

Unknown:

you actually will finally say, Yes, I need to really admit to

Unknown:

myself, this is an abusive relationship. What can you do to

Unknown:

deal with it?

Unknown:

Starting with an abusive relationship is not usually what

Unknown:

happens. Most people start pretty happy. That's how we

Unknown:

connect, there is love, there is romance, there's passion, There

Unknown:

is chemistry, all the good stuff. But at some point, you

Unknown:

come down from cloud nine, and reality sinks in, and maybe

Unknown:

behavior changes. Now, most of us probably would agree that

Unknown:

physical abuse is something that's cut and dry, not

Unknown:

acceptable. Let's get out of here. But even there, when

Unknown:

people are victims of physical abuse, more often than not, they

Unknown:

simply accept it. Now it's an outlier. Or it only happens when

Unknown:

this and this goes wrong, the stress or the environment, or

Unknown:

it's Friday evening, and the threshold of acceptable gets

Unknown:

just pushed further and further out, just like the frog in the

Unknown:

slowly boiling water. You know, people don't jump out

Unknown:

necessarily just because. And so unfortunately, that abuse

Unknown:

continues. And what it does to a person, which is a complete

Unknown:

undermining of self worth, and confidence, erodes even the

Unknown:

strength to eventually leave the relationship. I have seen so

Unknown:

many people that left only when the physical abuse was

Unknown:

transferred to the children, especially women. Then when it

Unknown:

was about somebody else, when it was about the mother instinct,

Unknown:

protecting the little ones. Finally, the line in the sand

Unknown:

was drawn, but before for the sake of the children, often, it

Unknown:

was a key to just be that punching bag for a raging man,

Unknown:

because it's still better than starting on your own. Now,

Unknown:

emotional abuse is even more, you know, confusing and

Unknown:

insidious because it's not often very clear. When does the abuse

Unknown:

actually start? Now, as a rule of thumb, I would suggest that

Unknown:

you know that you're abused when you're continuously feeling

Unknown:

disrespected, unsafe and controlled. And when that is

Unknown:

something of a normal for you now to walk on eggshells to

Unknown:

always wonder if you are going into a battlefield if you get

Unknown:

yelled at, out of the blue, if you feel that more and more,

Unknown:

there is the sense that everything is circling around

Unknown:

that person, your whole thinking how you act, what you're doing

Unknown:

what you're allowed to do. They're very high chances that

Unknown:

you are in an abusive relationship. But it may say

Unknown:

have started really slowly, maybe just like, you know, sugar

Unknown:

coated criticism, sarcasm, some snide remarks that are

Unknown:

undercutting and, and hurtful. And at the beginning, it's

Unknown:

confusing, you know, you the beginning of the relationship,

Unknown:

you got compliments and roses, and all sudden, I'd say you look

Unknown:

in the mirror and want to just, you know, appear pretty. And

Unknown:

then you hear this? Well, I think you're really vain you

Unknown:

spend way too much time looking at yourself. Or you have this

Unknown:

great idea of starting an Instagram account and your

Unknown:

partner says you're too old, you're not hot enough. No one is

Unknown:

interested in what you have to say. And you say, Why do you say

Unknown:

that? What so you know what's in your mind, and your partner just

Unknown:

responds. While I'm just honest, I don't want to set you up for

Unknown:

disappointment. This is not here to hurt you. I just like to be

Unknown:

authentic. And this happens more and more. And you notice that

Unknown:

you become more and more insecure, not really sure how to

Unknown:

deal with it, because it's so out of what you would do to

Unknown:

them.

Unknown:

You may also notice that there is greater disregarding of your

Unknown:

boundaries, let's say you live together. But somehow you have

Unknown:

no space for yourself. Everything that you do can be

Unknown:

interrupted by a question or by some kind of, hey, I want your

Unknown:

attention. When you meditate. When you read a book, when you

Unknown:

call someone, there is always your partner somehow no barging

Unknown:

in? And you cannot say no. You also notice that there is a

Unknown:

greater sense of neediness, you know, let's say you want to see

Unknown:

your friends, you have been doing this for years, once a

Unknown:

week or your parents on the weekend and and your partner

Unknown:

gets more and more upset about it. Why do you have to spend so

Unknown:

much time with other people? Am I not enough? Shouldn't we spend

Unknown:

all the time together? Isn't that what love is about? I want

Unknown:

to spend time with you, you are the most important person in my

Unknown:

life? Why should I not be that for you. So it's a mixture of

Unknown:

shaming and guilt tripping, that makes you once again, somehow

Unknown:

wonder if you do something wrong, if you really are not

Unknown:

capable of loving enough, if you shouldn't just give more to the

Unknown:

relationship. After all, it's fairly new, you have seen your

Unknown:

parents for so many years. And you make concessions, you make

Unknown:

compromises. And eventually you give in, you just see your

Unknown:

friends only once a month, or maybe just resort to calling

Unknown:

them instead of seeing them. Your parents, you know, just

Unknown:

become an affair for the holidays, and you focus more and

Unknown:

more your energy on your loved one, the person that seems to be

Unknown:

so interested in you. You give up on your hobbies, you feel

Unknown:

even like No, I shouldn't spend so much time on my career,

Unknown:

that's really selfish. I should rather focus on the hobbies that

Unknown:

they want to do and maybe work less because you know, it's

Unknown:

something that's more important to really, really deepen that

Unknown:

relationship. What you notice also is a greater neediness and

Unknown:

neediness that requires your attention. It say, you know

Unknown:

there is a constant anxiety heard or, or you know, a sadness

Unknown:

in your partner. And it requires you to really put all your

Unknown:

energy into it. And you tell yourself, Oh, it's just the

Unknown:

inner child. That really is very sad. And I want to make sure

Unknown:

that this inner child is taken care of. And you know, your

Unknown:

emotions, your needs are kind of pushed aside because there's

Unknown:

just this really big energy of a one to you to save me that pulls

Unknown:

you in. Maybe just because you already have been always someone

Unknown:

who is a helper, or a pleaser and so it comes natural to you.

Unknown:

Once you are at that stage where you're feeling your energy, your

Unknown:

power, your time goes more and more to that person. The next

Unknown:

step can be that you're trying to assert yourself you're trying

Unknown:

to say you know what, I think I'm not totally equally matched

Unknown:

here, I'm not receiving enough back, I'm giving more. And

Unknown:

you're taught, you're called, while you're way too selfish or

Unknown:

way too sensitive, or you're really egoistic. And so you're

Unknown:

basically when you are expressing what you feel, met

Unknown:

with criticism, and ultimately, a shutdown, you're not supposed

Unknown:

to feel this way, this is not what is right, you are crazy.

Unknown:

And as a result of that, pushing back from your partner, there is

Unknown:

also that withdrawing of love attention storming out of the

Unknown:

house, I don't want to talk to you, you have upset me, and you

Unknown:

feel punished, you feel like a child who has upset the parent

Unknown:

and the parent just sends you up to the room or the parent says,

Unknown:

you know, Don't come near me, you have done something wrong.

Unknown:

And this was withholding of Love feels so painful to you, because

Unknown:

you probably have been suffering from it many times. So now

Unknown:

you're really unsure on how to be an on top of it. There is

Unknown:

this, you know, constant sense of Jekyll and Hyde, where you

Unknown:

come home in a good mood, hoping to have a great evening

Unknown:

together, and you just already feel like, wow, there is Mr.

Unknown:

Hyde, this really browsing person who is upset for whatever

Unknown:

reason, and you are the lightning rod or you are the one

Unknown:

who has to listen to whatever happened horrible at work or

Unknown:

with, you know, in the outside world, and, and basically, the

Unknown:

whole evening is all about that. Or you get yelled at out of the

Unknown:

blue, something that you didn't even do, maybe the cat was too

Unknown:

loud. Or maybe the beer was not cold enough, or whatever this

Unknown:

is, and then you feel again, that something someone is

Unknown:

attacking you, and you are experiencing a mixture of

Unknown:

anxiety, shame, guilt, but also a frustration that never can

Unknown:

really be fully expressed. So you're literally imploding

Unknown:

internally. And that just continues like that. And what

Unknown:

happens is when you are deprived of your normal support system

Unknown:

with your friends and family, when you don't really feel that

Unknown:

you are proud of yourself because you're having you know,

Unknown:

put energy into the career and get some positive affirmation

Unknown:

confidence back from that. Or you're spending time on a hobby

Unknown:

that you love that really uplifts you, when more and more

Unknown:

of your time and energy is about pleasing and appeasing your

Unknown:

partner, when your sense of self is all dependent on whether they

Unknown:

are really happy with you in a good mood, maybe sharing love

Unknown:

with you, or whether they're in a bad mood critical withholding,

Unknown:

you know, just again, in a passive aggressive way, you have

Unknown:

been in an abusive relationship that is encompassing now, pretty

Unknown:

much 80 to 90% of your life. And you would wonder, wow, this is

Unknown:

like an imprisonment, I'm trapped. This feels horrible.

Unknown:

This feels dependent this fields, just, you know, as

Unknown:

something like that suffocating and, you know, pulling life out

Unknown:

of you? Why are you not immediately saying run? I gotta

Unknown:

get out of here. I can't live like this any minute longer.

Unknown:

Why? Because you're making excuses. And you're making

Unknown:

excuses and living in denial. For two reasons. One is that you

Unknown:

are maybe afraid of if you really would leave that you

Unknown:

would have to start from scratch, that you're basically

Unknown:

facing a huge waste of time that you made a mistake, and that

Unknown:

you're going to be single again, everyone's going to look at you

Unknown:

and says, Oh poor thing and you have failed big mistakes. So

Unknown:

you're saying no, I cannot do this to myself.

Unknown:

And maybe you're also afraid of if you would dare to leave, that

Unknown:

you would get punished for it. And that that anger that you

Unknown:

already feel and sometimes also maybe the violence that has been

Unknown:

there gets even worse. So you stay out of that. I need to make

Unknown:

this happen. Because A, maybe it's safer in B, it certainly is

Unknown:

also, for me, maybe something that I, you know, owed to

Unknown:

myself, because I've put already already so much energy and time

Unknown:

into this. So you're making excuses. And those excuses can

Unknown:

be something like, it's your fault, you're just not loving

Unknown:

enough, you're not attentive enough, there is this broken

Unknown:

little part inside of your partner that just needs

Unknown:

nourishing, that needs attention that needs love. And then

Unknown:

everything's going to be fine. Because you're telling yourself

Unknown:

when it's good, it's really good. No one ever loved you, as

Unknown:

much as this person, no one ever understood you as much. And you

Unknown:

do love each other. And you have such a, all over the charts,

Unknown:

energy, it's just so amazing. And the chemistry never had it

Unknown:

before. But of course, you're ignoring and your denial that

Unknown:

this really good part of your relationship only happens 10% of

Unknown:

the time. And then there are these 80% of the time, where

Unknown:

it's pretty much like walking on eggshells, and then 10 and maybe

Unknown:

even more present of a time. It's a war. It's it's a sense of

Unknown:

completely, disaster, chaos, and everything that comes with it.

Unknown:

But you also tell yourself, there's always hope. And maybe

Unknown:

you heard in inspirational talks, or in self help books,

Unknown:

that love should conquer everything. And if you really

Unknown:

love someone, you're sticking with that person, until that

Unknown:

person is whole, incomplete, in that that's what the duty of

Unknown:

love is all about. And maybe you're buying into the story

Unknown:

that you're just too sensitive, that you really have, you know,

Unknown:

a problem with taking everything personally, and you shouldn't,

Unknown:

you should just, you know, keep that something that is your

Unknown:

issue to work on. And once you work on yourself, everything

Unknown:

going to be much, much easier. So you can see that this denial,

Unknown:

even the denial of when people tell you clearly, you know, this

Unknown:

looks to me like a textbook abusive relationship, that

Unknown:

denial that says then you don't know because you're not living

Unknown:

with us. Don't tell me what to do. I know that person better

Unknown:

than anyone. And we're just in this together against the rest

Unknown:

of the world. That denial, unfortunately, prolongs the pain

Unknown:

that you're in, for potentially indefinite, until maybe one day

Unknown:

there is the moment where the straw breaks the camel's back,

Unknown:

which can be unfortunately, physical violence or a form of

Unknown:

abuse that do feel like is no longer acceptable. But until

Unknown:

then, you give your partner a second, a third 100 chains,

Unknown:

because somehow, you cannot really find a way out. Now what

Unknown:

is the way out? The way out is not necessarily saying you know,

Unknown:

I'm out of here and packing my suitcases. I still have Easter,

Unknown:

the way out, it may be for you to start looking at yourself and

Unknown:

finding yourself again, really asking yourself, How did I let

Unknown:

this happen to me? What does it say about how I'm relating to

Unknown:

myself? And everything that is happening to you. You can ask

Unknown:

yourself, do I treat myself the same way? Am I disrespectful to

Unknown:

myself? Am I very conditional to myself, and basically very

Unknown:

rarely saying anything nice to myself?

Unknown:

Am I having high expectations? And give very little back to

Unknown:

myself? What about my boundaries? Do I even have

Unknown:

boundaries with myself? Or do I let everyone simply waltz over

Unknown:

them? And when was the last time I was really kite and was the

Unknown:

last time I put myself first when was the last time I

Unknown:

listened to my body, to my heart to my mind. See a lot of people

Unknown:

that are in abusive relationships don't over only

Unknown:

feel worse about themselves. They also treat themselves

Unknown:

worse. They let themselves go. I just talked the other day to

Unknown:

someone who has been since about six months in sweatpants has

Unknown:gained:Unknown:

in general really, really Low, has no motivation to eat right

Unknown:

to go to the gym to do anything that brings joy because she's so

Unknown:

beaten down by that relationship. And of course, the

Unknown:

worse you feel about yourself, the less motivation, energy or

Unknown:

even power, you have to push against that person who wants to

Unknown:

control you, and wants to put you down, let alone have the

Unknown:

strength to say, I'm going to leave and start something new.

Unknown:

So it's about starting to rebuild that relationship with

Unknown:

yourself with simple things.

Unknown:

Once a client told me, the first step for her to find herself,

Unknown:

again, was to have breakfast, and then take a shower, and then

Unknown:

just get out of the utilitarian clothes and wear something that

Unknown:

she actually liked. And just doing this little routine,

Unknown:

breakfast shower, closing, that made her feel more connected to

Unknown:

herself, and actually focused on herself and could a little bit

Unknown:

tune out that abusive person, she also found like that, wow, I

Unknown:

actually do find a way back to how I used to be before I was in

Unknown:

this relationship. And so then you discover maybe, hey, I have

Unknown:

needs that I completely ignored, maybe the need to go and you

Unknown:

know, get some exercise again, reach out to a friend, again,

Unknown:

just connect to the parents, again, maybe do things that you

Unknown:

know are about your work that you have completely ignored. In

Unknown:

other words, gradually starting to put yourself first. And for

Unknown:

that have an image in your mind, who you used to be and who you

Unknown:

want to be again, because you don't have to be constantly

Unknown:

under the shadow of the person who ultimately wants to own you

Unknown:

and possess you, but doesn't really want to support you or

Unknown:

uplift you. People that are abusive, are often very empty

Unknown:

inside they struggle, there is a lot of pain, there's a lot of

Unknown:

lack of self worth. But they do, unfortunately, use the

Unknown:

relationship to gain a sense of control a sense of belonging, by

Unknown:

force, by squeezing, whatever the person that they're with has

Unknown:

to offer out of them until they are so small, so little, that

Unknown:

they can never leave. And the abusers fear of abandonment, or

Unknown:

fear of being alone is this way, put at ease. Because they know

Unknown:

this person is under my thumb, and will never have the strength

Unknown:

to get away. And once you find yourself more, the abuser will

Unknown:

just challenge you, and will push you and will start again

Unknown:

criticizing you and tell you all the things that deep inside you

Unknown:

know are not true, you're not vain, you're not selfish, when

Unknown:

you take care of yourself, you're not unloving, you do have

Unknown:

the capacity to love. And you showed it over and over again.

Unknown:

Because you were over and over giving this person another

Unknown:

chance you were fighting for the relationship, you were giving so

Unknown:

much compassion, understanding energy into it. And it still was

Unknown:

never enough. So if there's one thing you have proven to

Unknown:

yourself is that you're capable of committing and dedicating

Unknown:

your time and your heart to a relationship, but you also know

Unknown:

that it is about receiving back and you haven't. And therefore,

Unknown:

in order for you to make a stand and say my relationship to

Unknown:

myself has been betrayed. I have abandoned myself by being so

Unknown:

focused on somebody else. And so in denial about how I feel and

Unknown:

what I need, that I need to heal that relationship with myself

Unknown:

first and then go from there. So once you feel better about

Unknown:

yourself gradually, you will also have more strength and more

Unknown:

sense of self to put down boundaries. No, is a full

Unknown:

sentence saying this is not okay. If you do this again, I

Unknown:

don't know that I can do this having really just different

Unknown:

levels of boundaries to establish, again a sense of self

Unknown:

respect. Now maybe your partner will respect you for that. And

Unknown:

maybe this will actually make your partner wake up and realize

Unknown:

wow, maybe I need to shape up maybe I need to do something

Unknown:

about my state of mind. And you know, quite often it can

Unknown:

actually happen that this you respect Acting yourself, you

Unknown:

waking up to your own self worth can be the catalyst for your

Unknown:

partner all of a sudden to say, you know, I can actually see

Unknown:

what an amazing person I'm with, I need to do something to get

Unknown:

help and to heal whatever is really troubled and broken

Unknown:

inside of me. But it's not a guarantee. And it's not

Unknown:

something that you would say, well, that's a reason why I need

Unknown:

to find myself again, it's just maybe an effect. But it may not

Unknown:

be something that will be enough for the person to really feel

Unknown:

it's time to change, very often, they will be more blame, there

Unknown:

will be more judgment, and maybe even more pushing back. So don't

Unknown:

engage, don't go into the conflict, don't try to make the

Unknown:

person even understand where you're coming from. Because you

Unknown:

will not make that happen. You simply need to sometimes simply

Unknown:

walk away, or say, you know that this is something that can

Unknown:

happen maybe one more time, but then you are taking a break, and

Unknown:

really sticking with it. And being in a place where you

Unknown:

understand that you cannot fix them, you cannot heal them, you

Unknown:

cannot make them better. You cannot even be in control for

Unknown:

their emotions. Because you have tried. And what you have found

Unknown:

out is no one is responsible for another person's feelings. And

Unknown:

that's really important. If you feel you're responsible for your

Unknown:

partner to be at ease or feel good. You're taking away too

Unknown:

much on everyone is responsible for their own emotions. And

Unknown:

therefore, when your partner is constantly stressed, needy,

Unknown:

angry, insecure, it is your partner's responsibility to

Unknown:

understand what are the beliefs underneath that? What are the

Unknown:

ruins that I'm carrying around? What are the patterns that get

Unknown:

me there. And it's not yours to be their therapist, or the

Unknown:

person who needs to heal them from maybe past relationship

Unknown:

issues or childhood issues. You're also not to blame. If

Unknown:

someone doesn't want to change. If someone finds that what you

Unknown:

have to offer is not enough. If someone doesn't really see that

Unknown:

your love. And the time that you're spending with that person

Unknown:

is sacred. It's a gift, it's an offering, it's you being willing

Unknown:

to share yourself if that is not enough. You're not to blame if

Unknown:

it's not working out. And no matter how much guilt tripping

Unknown:

happens, you need to remind yourself, I am enough, and I'm

Unknown:

doing my best. And I'm certainly not questioning my ability to

Unknown:

love. I'm not questioning that my love is not enough, maybe

Unknown:

it's not a good match. Maybe we're just not meant to be

Unknown:

together. Maybe this was all happening just for me to be more

Unknown:

clear of what I deserve, what I want, and what I made off, and

Unknown:

to find my power back. So with that something like this will

Unknown:

never happen again.

Unknown:

And there will be a point where you realize I need to let go, I

Unknown:

need to detach, I need to have a way to find the freedom again,

Unknown:

as that what I really am cherishing that independence,

Unknown:

that sense of I am my own person, and I am a choice again,

Unknown:

and not just having a warm body next, so that we can say we have

Unknown:

a belonging or we have a sense of being in a partnership.

Unknown:

Because as we all know, we can be in a relationship and feel

Unknown:

more alone than when we are on our own. See, I grew up with

Unknown:

parents that were ultimately in abusive relationship with each

Unknown:

other. It was mainly my father, who was angry and a times

Unknown:

violent, but my mother didn't help either because she could

Unknown:

also be passive aggressive and, and together, they were

Unknown:

codependent. And I really want it as a child to somehow make it

Unknown:

all better and help them and a times even fix the relationship

Unknown:

by being this constant intermediary, the mediator

Unknown:

between them going back and forth trying to make them

Unknown:

understand each other. And yes, they stay together. But when I

Unknown:

was 18 years old, and my mother for short time left with us,

Unknown:

because it really was too much for her, I was so happy, I felt

Unknown:

like my goodness finally, both have that ability and that

Unknown:

freedom to start in you and have a peace of mind and just finally

Unknown:

don't go through these motions of constant hurting and

Unknown:

undermining each other's sense of self. But my mother didn't

Unknown:

have the strength, my father came back and was begging to

Unknown:

reconcile and, and so that would have happened, the relationship

Unknown:

didn't necessarily improve, maybe it did, once we, the

Unknown:

children left home, and they died still married together. But

Unknown:

deep inside, for both of them, I really wished they had have

Unknown:

experienced more joy, more happiness, and more a sense of

Unknown:

connection and support and intimacy, then they allow each

Unknown:

other to have abusive relationships are not meant to

Unknown:

stay together. Maybe they are these, you know, again,

Unknown:

catalytic connections that somehow help us to get on the

Unknown:

right path. But they're not something that usually work out

Unknown:

unless both are really, really working hard, and taking

Unknown:

responsibility, and ultimately finding their own wholeness, not

Unknown:

from a place of codependency or need, but from a place of desire

Unknown:

to be the best version of themselves for themselves, and

Unknown:

then secondarily, for each other. So if you have been

Unknown:

finding yourself in a relationship that I described,

Unknown:

that just makes you feel more and more alienated from

Unknown:

yourself, when you more and more feel like that, you are

Unknown:

insecure, unloving, unkind to yourself. Remember that the

Unknown:

refocusing to reconnect with yourself to to get in touch with

Unknown:

who you are, and re building that kindness and ultimately,

Unknown:

belief and love in yourself. That is the first step to then

Unknown:

also from a place of greater clarity. Decide what you want to

Unknown:

do with a relationship with the person that you're with. And I

Unknown:

hope that helps. I hope it helps that you understand that it's

Unknown:

not about I have to make a decision to get out or not. It

Unknown:

may simply be for you the understanding that you already

Unknown:

have abandoned yourself. And so arry yeah

Item added to cart.
0 items - $0.00